Thankful

I have been very sick. The doctor thinks I have bronchitis and we caught it early. I have spent the last week feeling guilty for not taking care of Thanksgiving like I always do. Yesterday I slept in and showered before I came downstairs. I had hoped that the warm water would wake me up and I would be miraculously cured. Not so. It was around 10:00 in the morning when I finally made it to the kitchen. The turkey was still in the sink thawing out. there were no pies made. The rolls had not been started (this alone would have sent my mother into a downward spiral of panic!). I printed out this free Thanksgiving banner a few weeks ago to hang up for our holiday decor. I never got around to hanging it.  I didn't see all of the things that weren't done though, I saw this...


My sweet family had hung my banner for me! The kitchen was spotless, as was the family room. It took me back a moment and warmed my soul. I am so very blessed!

Dinner was wonderful. It happened at 5:00, much later than usual. I slept most of the day but when I was awake I was so grateful for my family. I admit I shed a few tears yesterday. They were selfish tears because I missed Nick, Diana, Sarah, and little Lucas. It was quiet and kind of lonely at our table but we will see them all very soon. Christmas is just around the corner! (Now I am starting to panic!) To Dee, Britt, Rachel, and Richard...Thank you from my heart! I love you all!

I'm Still Here!

I am quickly checking in, mostly because I am bored out of my mind. I have had a good recovery so far with very little pain. That all changed last night. It was rough. I feel badly for my sweet husband who tried to comfort me but soon fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. I think I'll call my doctor and get something stronger than Motrin, which is all I have needed thus far.

 Yesterday I found this music video on Nienie's blog. It made me smile! I love Mindy's music! She is a Provo artist who writes most of her own songs.  Her voice is very soothing. Check her out on YouTube. She has given many benefit concerts for the Nielson family since their plane crash. The two little girls running with her in the video are Stephanie's daughters, Claire and Jane. They are so cute! Their mother and brothers appear too. It reminds me that God is a God of miracles...every day! I can get through this little trial of pain and discomfort.

Enjoy the song! I am going to go back to sleep.

Gloom

January and I do not get along. Last year at this point I was truly in the depths of S.A.D.D. It is beginning again. The gray skies and old dirty snow do me in. This year seems worse because of a lot of things but mainly because of my health. I have had some awful times since just before Christmas. I will spare you the details. Let's just say that the old saying from the Wendy's commercial, "parts is parts" does not hold true here. My girl parts are going haywire and rebelling in horrible ways. I have had days of "confinement" of Biblical proportions! I had a biopsy done and waited an agonizing week for results. My sister passed away from endometrial cancer and I have been worried. The longer the results took to come back, the more I worried. Thankfully, all is well. I have to wait until Feb. 9th to meet with my doctor and get things rolling to remove the parts. I hope he is not scheduled out too far in advance.

In the meantime I am cleaning my house like a white tornado, preparing for the time when I will be down and recovering. Ugh! Closets gather so much stuff! I will keep you posted on my future...you know, when the parts and I part ways. Freedom!!

Enjoy this blast form the past!

Nothing...I Do It So Well!

It's been one of those days. Nothing is happening. Nothing is going on. Nothing seems exciting. Nothing. If nothing were something I would have a whole lot of something but since it is nothing, well, you get it! I took a shower at noon, dried off and dressed, and took a nap. A nap! That is something I rarely do! Wait! Did I say a nap was something? But I was doing nothing (anything, for you English freaks!) while I was sleeping! And now I am awake and blogging about nothing. I hope your day is more exciting than mine!

Here is Diana last Sunday doing nothing. Or is she doing something while she is doing nothing?

Sam too...he's good at it!

Down and Out

I do not know what is in the air. Something is amiss in the Little House on the Corner! The two members of this household with anxiety disorder have both decided to take a big back step recently. Richard is generally happy and is really into some big summer reading. However, bedtime really has been hard. He is 15 years old, it's not that he is afraid of going to bed but his OCD acts up at night. It puts distressing thoughts into his mind and he has a hard time. This makes his anxiety level go up which, in turn, makes mine go up! I have other things I am struggling with too but yeah, that's pretty much it...I am anxious. I have so many fun projects to do waiting in the wings and I wake up every day with the intent of getting them started but this disorder, when it is acting up, makes it very difficult to focus on any one thing. Consequently, I get to the end of each day and ask myself what the heck I have accomplished! Thus...guilt!

I stayed in bed this morning. I needed it. I do not feel guilty about it...much! A few prayers sent our way would be very welcome. I love you all!

So Glad it's over!

In the last post we found the family attending the graduation of daughter Diana and her husband Nick from B.Y.U. Oh, it was a long day! We arrived at the Marriott center at 10:30 am for Diana's convocation at 11:00. It was the College of Humanities. The speakers were eloquent, the music elegant. The string of graduates took around an hour to cross the stage and receive their diplomas. When it was over we all stretched our legs. I took my girls outside to take some sister photos because Britt had to head off to work. The men went to Subway and brought nourishment back to us and we were grateful.

Nick's convocation started at 1:00 pm. My legs were starting to complain about the lack of leg room in the Marriott Center, even in the chair seats! Nick's was the College of Family, Home and Social Sciences which includes Psychology, History, Foreign Languages, and English among others. The atmosphere was less artful and more homey. The speaker was engaging and personal. The music was pretty routine stuff. It took nearly two hours for all of the graduates to receive their diplomas! By the end of an hour and a half, if your graduate had already walked, your attention was gone...gone...gone...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *

I now present to you "B.Y.U. Graduation Day - The Out Takes".

Waiting to hear her sister's name called.

Caught snacking at the end! I was jealous!

Giddy to be out in the fresh air!

Brittany encourages Nick to go find his place in line.


Hanna and Diana...Sisters-in-law that rhyme!

They started out Nick's service happy enough.

Sarah squeezing in some doctoral research while the long list of names is read.

Will they ever call his name?

There is still a glimmer of hope that they'll make it!

Nope! No way!

Grandpa is mad, Grandma is losing it!

There is no hope.

It is gone.

gone.

gone.

At last!! Nick was near the end.......

Home to party!!!!

The end, but not, if you know what I mean!

"At Your Age..."

The doctor said I'm going to live! Hooray for me! On my visit last week Dr. M pronounced me healthy and sound (other than the need to exercise and lose some weight) . He addressed my S.A.D. by telling me to get more Vitamin D and exercise. He was also not opposed to short and infrequent tanning sessions. Hmm...we'll see.

About an hour after I left the offices of Lind, Lamereaux, and Melendez a realization hit me. I have entered a new phase of my life. (Here is where is gets all girl talk-ish so if you are a lurking male reader be warned!) After Richard was born nearly 15 years ago I went through post-partum depression. It was intermediately serious. I have been on birth control pills ever since as hormone therapy. They keep me from being a soggy, sobbing mess of a person. I have enjoyed their company. When I have been careless and not refilled the prescription in time I have gone through headaches, shakes, and woeful uncontrollable tears. You can understand my surprise then, when Dr. M said it was time to go off of my Happy Pills! He is practiced and skilled at what he says. He did not say to me, "you are too old", he said "at your age...you do not need this high of a dose of estrogen." Pshhh! You cannot fool me!

I realized I was spiraling to "at your age..." about ten years ago when I would visit his office annually and notice that I was the only woman over 40 in the waiting area. All of the others were young and beautiful and glowing with pregnancy. Hmph! So what, now I am too old for "that much estrogen"?! Here is the plan. In two more days I will be out of pills. I am to then go cold turkey. If I happen to notice that I am having hot flashes or if my emotions are out of control I am to call him and he will prescribe hormone replacement therapy which will be a lower dose of estrogen. I know how it works. I know it is better for my body. I also know that the next couple of weeks are going to be hard! It's a good thing the Master is leaving for Sectional Championships tomorrow and won't be back until Sunday. He may come back though, just as the really bad stuff starts! Watch out!

I suppose Dr. M thought he was being delicate and telling me something I would like to hear when he added that there was "very little chance" of me getting pregnant anymore. Please understand...I do not want a baby (at MY age)! But the fact that I am now bumped up to a new group was disturbing and brought a few tears.

Sigh.

Life passes us by.

I might as well hang on and try to enjoy the ride.

Still Re-emerging...

Yes, this could be me!

I cannot seem to wake up. Every day is the same. My alarm goes off and I find myself in a groggy cloud of blurry need to sleep longer. I get 7-8 hours a night. I am not sure what's up! I have determined one thing, however. I believe I truly suffer from S.A.D. or Seasonal Affective Disorder. We have had some nice sunny days on and off lately and I always seem to feel better, more motivated on those days. On the gray days I walk around in a fog. I do get things done, but slowly. I am not sure how to fix this other than moving to a sunnier place! Brittany wants to take me tanning. She is certain it helps her. My skin is in bad enough shape from growing up in Mesa! I am not sure I want to add to it!

In other less-than-exciting news...Today is my annual gynecological exam. I love my doctor. He sits and listens to me in his comfy office before I get to wear the paper gown! I don't really feel like talking about my life while wearing a paper gown! But what will I say today?

I am sorry I did not go in for my mammogram this last year. You see, the one the year before hurt like no other! I have had numerous mammo tests and none have ever come close to the last one! The words, busrting and exploding come to mind. I hurt for days afterward! Yes, there is some anxiety there.

I am sorry I did not go to the hospital lab and get my blood test last year. I couldn't seem to get out of bed!

Gray skies make me S.A.D. What can you DO about it Dr. M.? Hmmm?

Yes, I know I have put on weight since last year. I cannot seem to get myself moving. I promise, the first warm sunny morning I will be out there walking!

Am I happy? Mostly. Just don't ask before my morning shower!

Is it my age? Don't tell me!!

I will let you know what he says!