"At Your Age..."

The doctor said I'm going to live! Hooray for me! On my visit last week Dr. M pronounced me healthy and sound (other than the need to exercise and lose some weight) . He addressed my S.A.D. by telling me to get more Vitamin D and exercise. He was also not opposed to short and infrequent tanning sessions. Hmm...we'll see.

About an hour after I left the offices of Lind, Lamereaux, and Melendez a realization hit me. I have entered a new phase of my life. (Here is where is gets all girl talk-ish so if you are a lurking male reader be warned!) After Richard was born nearly 15 years ago I went through post-partum depression. It was intermediately serious. I have been on birth control pills ever since as hormone therapy. They keep me from being a soggy, sobbing mess of a person. I have enjoyed their company. When I have been careless and not refilled the prescription in time I have gone through headaches, shakes, and woeful uncontrollable tears. You can understand my surprise then, when Dr. M said it was time to go off of my Happy Pills! He is practiced and skilled at what he says. He did not say to me, "you are too old", he said "at your age...you do not need this high of a dose of estrogen." Pshhh! You cannot fool me!

I realized I was spiraling to "at your age..." about ten years ago when I would visit his office annually and notice that I was the only woman over 40 in the waiting area. All of the others were young and beautiful and glowing with pregnancy. Hmph! So what, now I am too old for "that much estrogen"?! Here is the plan. In two more days I will be out of pills. I am to then go cold turkey. If I happen to notice that I am having hot flashes or if my emotions are out of control I am to call him and he will prescribe hormone replacement therapy which will be a lower dose of estrogen. I know how it works. I know it is better for my body. I also know that the next couple of weeks are going to be hard! It's a good thing the Master is leaving for Sectional Championships tomorrow and won't be back until Sunday. He may come back though, just as the really bad stuff starts! Watch out!

I suppose Dr. M thought he was being delicate and telling me something I would like to hear when he added that there was "very little chance" of me getting pregnant anymore. Please understand...I do not want a baby (at MY age)! But the fact that I am now bumped up to a new group was disturbing and brought a few tears.

Sigh.

Life passes us by.

I might as well hang on and try to enjoy the ride.