February 24, 2008 ~Sunday...Thanks Dad!

Last night I had a lovely experience. Richard has been having a hard time going to sleep in the last few months. At night he tends to get very anxious and start worrying about things like school and kids who are mean, grades, and so on. Sometimes he gets so worked up that he is worrying about worrying! It is very hard to tell him goodnight and leave him crying in his bed. When he was smaller I would stay with him and try to soothe him until he got very drowsy. Since we have been seeing a counselor for his anxiety I have tried to help him overcome it on his own. I take him through his deep breaths and we talk about happy things he can focus on and then I leave the room. This has worked pretty well and for the last few weeks he has been going to bed and getting to sleep very well. However, the last few days he has begun to worry again. Last night he looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked me what it was worth living for if you had to deal with anxiety. I hated that question because it shows that he has really thought about this. We sought help for him because I didn't want him to get to the point that he was depressed. I didn't want him to become another statistic. When he said that to me last night my stomach lurched and I knew that in spite of the progress we have made in the last 6 weeks or so of counseling, we have a long way ahead of us. I hated leaving him alone and sat on the edge of his bed and talked to him for a long time. We talked about things to look forward to like going to see Aunt Gena and Grandma this summer and also visiting Uncle Dean's house in Bloomfield. His eyes got wide with the thought and he said, "can we really do that?!" We talked about how it would be kind of like visiting Grandpa's place since Dean has started an orchard and a garden just like Dad's. He could take his B.B. gun and shoot at targets, he could ride the 4-wheeler, and he and his Dad and Uncle Dean could go fishing. He was smiling before I was done but still seemed a bit worried about sleeping. As I got up to leave, hating to do so, I had the nicest feeling. Something told me that he wouldn't be alone and as I entertained the thought I knew that my father was there! I turned to look at Richard in his bed and had a picture in my head of Dad standing there with his hand on Richard's head. I didn't put that picture in my mind. It was placed there for me. I smiled and knew it was true. I turned to leave and thought, "Thanks Dad."
When I prayed later I thanked my Heavenly Father too. We truly are never alone.